Experiences! on a balancing beam
One cannot think well…
via cabbagerose
A new stage
I am slowly tumbling into a new stage of life, slowly but surely start to realize that everyday is just like coffee. Everyday deserves a little variation of the same, somedays I like my coffee with just milk, just black, expresso with milk, mocha, with foam or not. In essence they all have the same thing which is coffee, but dressed in different cloth and at the same time I know i don’t like sugar in my coffee, we are different from each other by the things we like and dislike and from that we find things matter and vice versa. There are the essence of love and hate, but then there is everything in between of that spectrum that’s for everyday’s mix and match.
I am also starting to define myself one thing at a time, they are million of things that i can’t be defined yet. For now there is my smell, my friends, my habits, my mushrooms it’s a stage where if I hear “oh, that’s totally something you would do” that I stop for a moment and think oh so that’s me, is it? and do i want to be known as that. If I don’t like it, it’s time to say bye-bye to that and change, then there are things I am more sure to keep.
Throwing behind the days of testing, and moving onto the days of discovering.
vulnerable
we are all vulnerable breakable boys and girl but there isn’t much we can help it, we feel guilty, happy, vulnerable, dislike, love, pain, and millions of other things that we encounter everyday and as we grow up we are able to understand more in depth of each of those.
When i was three, happiness composed of hugs, milk, cookies and rolling on the ground. At five it composed of crayons, paper planes, mumble, jumping around, at 12, it composed of spending time with friends, books, my longing for high school, family trips, and breaks. Then at 19, happiness is finding a piece of myself, sitting in a park reading a book,learning everyday about something from someone, and slowly learning what is love.
But one thing that never changes, the fact that we are just as vulnerable to the things we love no matter what age or the stage of life we are at. There are just different ways of expressing them, at three I cried, at five I whined, then at 12 I turned my back, at 19, still searching how i would react. As you grow up you learn to love the things that’s close to you and things that you can control that’s not in someone else’s hand to eliminate getting hurt and having those thing taken away from you.
Most importantly that you learn to protect yourself, and keep your happiness in your own hands. Not to let anyone else to touch or have any ability to take that away from you. This vulnerability will never go away, we just learn how to keep it at a minimal.
Crisis.
Given a backpack, a plane ticket with an unknown destination. A combination that could either turn out to the best decision i make in my life or the worse. I could either turn out to be the person I want to be, or just completely waste my time and turn more of a rebell than I already am.
I am trying to figure out the reason I even think about this trip. Adventure is one, escape? but then what am I escaping from. Not from my family, friends, school, or this society in general, but maybe myself. I am a little tired of myself, this self that fall into every single time. The decisions that I make from time to time, they are starting to get predictable and tricks that I set up for myself to fall into. Just to knock the norms out of my brain, and understand better the essentials, and the similarities of a person. What the same things that put a smile on every face and what are the same things that make us frown upon.
OR this could just be my college crisis.
oh my my~~ what can this man actually do to make him unattractive?? :0
via welldressedman
Birthday
YES. Today is my birthday, the 19th birthday of my life. My love took me out for lunch at Panera, then pedicure and manicure, and finally we ended up shopping in the outlet. So we basically did most of the girly things possible LOL. Then I went to day care, the kids gave me a cute little bear that they made. Sooo adorable. And came home to a great Papa Liang’s steak and pasta dinner, with cream puffs substituting cake :). 19th birthday gift is a really nice watch :) guess i am really growing up now, getting my first watch. The only thing that lacked today was the absence of my mother, she is 17 hours away in Korea :( But of course she wouldn’t forget all the pain she had to go through just to get me out lol. And Thank you mommy for bringing me to this beautiful place wish you were here though. Then thank you all of my friends for all of your birthday wishes, they really do mean a lot. Finally to the people that really make an effort to make my birthday something to look forward to and make me feel special all the time. Great day indeed, laughed hard, ate a lot, wished for. What more can you wish for right?
Thank you! :)
